


Day 114

by orphan_account



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: But we ain't givin' up, Gen, One-Shot, Season 3 broke my heart, We will fight for our Hop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 13:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19477168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: El misses Hop every day.





	Day 114

El sighs softly as she fights the urge to pick up the little book laying on her shelf. She pulls her legs close to her body, staring at it. Then, she groans loudly and walks towards it to grab it. It's still hard getting used to the little things she couldn't do with her powers. Closing the door, turning off the lights, reaching for the remote control... and many other things.

She doesn't feel confident. She hates the feeling of being useless now because if you re-think everything, she is nothing without her powers. She can't properly talk, read nor think like a normal person. It eats her alive. Sure, the Byers' are very accepting. All three of them are doing the best they can. But El... she still feels like she's missing something. _Someone._

Not Mike. Not Max.

_Hop_.

God, she misses him so much. It's a different kind of missing, you know? She can't really explain it. It's the kind of missing the person you know you're not going to see again, ever in your life. She knows she would see her friends in a few weeks, but Hop? No, never again.

Her heart always aches when she thinks of him. Her chest closes up and she feels like she can't catch a breath. Her eyes sting. Then, a short while later, hot tears start pouring down her face and she's not able to stop them. The hairband on her wrist feels like a tight rope sawing into her skin. She feels like a black hole. 

She misses the man that was her true home. They sure were fire against fire, both with their hot temper and fragile patience, yet they managed to make a special bond and enjoy each other's company. She misses the board games they played. She misses watching the sunrise eating Eggos with him, the way he danced to Jim Croce, she misses his forehead kisses before going to sleep and his bear hugs. She never would have guessed that she'd miss his loud snoring. She still dreams of him, almost every night, whether it's a good or bad memory. She still expects to hear that morning is for coffee and contemplation, and sometimes she goes straight out of her room thinking that Hop would be there.

He's not.

El knows it's probably stupid to miss someone that much. It's completely different from the time she missed Mike - she knew he was alive and well. In Hop's case, she just feels... empty. Jonathan thought it would be a good idea to write her feelings into a diary, to pour all her anger and sadness into a life form, just like he does with a camera or Will with his drawings.

El grabs a pen and sits down in front of it with frustration.

**_26 October 1985_ **

**_Dear diary,_ **

She sighs, rubbing her forehead. What exactly is she supposed to write there? How incredibly _happy_ she is? That's total bullshit (if Hop was there, he wouldn't like her saying that word). She doesn't even know how to express herself. Hop was slowly teaching her and learning together with her to present their feelings, so they both would be more honest to each other, yet neither of them succeeded.

~~**_STUPID._ ** ~~

She throws the notebook away and hugs herself. She glances at the place where it fell. A folded paper laid right next to it, only waiting to be grabbed by her and read over and over. She doesn't need to read it again. She remembers every word of it. El lets out a soft breath, finally gets up and puts the paper back into the diary, carefully sliding the notebook between the books of her shelf.

She looks at her walkie-talkie that's right next to her books.

El smiles a little.

She reaches for it and drops herself onto the ground, shaking her head in despair, but she does it anyway. She presses the button and pulls it closer to her mouth, leaning against her bed, shrugging. She feels the familiar burn in her eyes.

"Hi Dad. It's day 114. I miss you," she says, looking at the photo of him and her on Christmas. She sighs and continues, aware of her eyes watering. "Not much happened. Will and Jonathan still go to school. Joyce still works. She said she does not need to. Doctor Owens gave her money. She says she can't forget what it is like to work. When she can, she stays with me here. I don't know what to say now. I love you. I wish you were here. Maybe... you are out there. Somewhere. I hope so. If yes, please come home."

El wipes a tear from her cheek. "I will be waiting for you. We all will."

**Author's Note:**

> Jim Hopper deserved a happy life with his wife Joyce and their children.


End file.
